What NOT to Ask a Graduate Student Over the Holidays (And What to Ask Instead)
Most consider the holidays a time to slow down. Graduate students on the other hand may be doing the opposite as they navigate final projects, proposal revisions, research, writing and upcoming deadlines. It’s a mad dash to the finish line.
Have plans to spend quality time with the graduate student in your life over the holidays?
Make that precious time unforgettable by avoiding these eight questions and learning what to ask instead.
What year are you in?
Unlike undergrad, grad school doesn’t always follow a neat four-year timeline. Terms like “candidacy” and “ABD” (all but dissertation) make sense in the program, but they’re tough to explain at the dinner table. And no, we don’t actually say “20th ”?
Ask this instead:
What part of your program are you in right now?
Are you still writing your thesis/dissertation?
Of course they are. If they weren’t, you’d already know. You’d be celebrating those new credentials with them! Until then, assume yes.
Ask this instead:
How’s your research going this semester?
So, when will you graduate?
This one’s a classic trigger. In grad school, graduation depends on a lot of variables outside a student’s direct control: research results, committee feedback availability, and more. A simple question can bring on anxiety for any grad student.
Ask this instead:
What’s the next big step in your grad studies?
How long are you going to stay in school before joining the real world?
Grad students are in the real world, and they are as professional as they come! They teach, publish, mentor others, manage labs and teams, attend conferences, and juggle deadlines. They do all of this while taking classes and, for many, working other jobs.
Ask this instead:
What do you enjoy most about being a graduate student?
What’s the point of your research?
Summing up a complex thesis or dissertation can be difficult, and it often feels like a presentation without the slides.
Ask this instead:
What got you interested in your grad program or this research?
When can I read something?
Publishing is rarely quick and sometimes unpredictable. If a publication was out, chances are everyone in the room would already know.
Ask this instead:
Have you had any exciting opportunities to share your work?
How are you going to get a job with that?
Grad students develop advanced, highly-transferable skills in research, communication, data analysis, team management, and teaching to name a few.
Ask this instead:
What kinds of careers are you exploring?
What else have you been up to?
You may be greeted with a sigh and the response: “With what time?” Grad school is demanding, and burnout is real.
Ask this instead:
Have you had time to rest or do something you enjoy?
Meaningful support for the grad student in your life doesn’t have to be complicated. A listening ear, a little encouragement, and yes, some coffee can go a long way.
